Things you should have learned by now
- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out
- Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a workshop makes you a motorcycle
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
- A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
- No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
- They say middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming
- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
- Experience is a wonderful thing - It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again
- It ain't the jeans that make your butt look big
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment